Long Time No Write

Well, its been a very long, long time since I've written a blog. . .or updated my book blog. Ugh! I hate it that I get like this. I know, I know, its my own fault. . .but I like to bitch about things. Well, a lot of things have happened since then-- obviously, its been what. . .7 months since I last wrote.

Derek had a decent semester, and is now looking forward to this Spring semester. . .well not really, but ya know, gotta see to the niceties.

In October I celebrated my 29th birthday. I'm soooo not happy about that--its one year closer to 30! This month also saw the death of D's grandmother. It was sad to see her go, but in the end she was in so much pain that death was a blessing. (Bless her.)

Thanksgiving was really nice. I got to spend time with my best friend Trupti who came down from D.C. to be with her dad who was in the hospital. (Thankfully he's doing well.) I was also able to spend some time with her when she came down for xmas which was great.

Xmas was really great this year. My man got me the purse I had been eying for a couple of month's, and I got him the gaming mouse to play WOW. Also got all the DVD series I wanted (Alias 5, Bones 1, Anamaniancs 2) Thanks to my mom and friend Mike! Also got some great Jennifer Crusie novels from my sis Sher, and a GC from my sis Marla-- Thanks homies! D's parents were extremely generous too. Got a GC for Lowes from his Dad and Nana, and some great GC from his mom-- Thanks soooo much! (I blew my B&N GC-- our local B Dalton is closing and books were 50% off!) We were really blessed this year.

Anyhoo, things have settled back down. . .thank the goddess. I'm very proud of myself, I've read 36 books last year. Hopefully I'll be able to read more this year. I've also started losing weight. Back in October my doctor put me on adipex and told me to start working out. . . which I have-- at the YMCA. I do 20 mins of cycling (which I read while I cycle) and 50 mins of walking. Its been three months and I've lost 18 pounds! So cool. I can't wait to hit my goal weight of 150 (when I get my naval ring). . .and I really can't wait to hit my ultimate goal of 120.

Well, New Years was blah. . .I was sick with the stomach virus. Yuckers! Other than that it was cool.

Lately I've been doing a lot of net-socializing. Here are my Links if you want to add me. . .

Myspace
Friendster
Facebook

Hope to you see you around. . .

Whatever

Yeah, I know. . .its been a long while. . .whatever. I've been way to busy playing World of Warcraft (Great online RPG) or reading. Not too much has happened since last I wrote. I don't know why its in my nature to let things go when I get depressed/sad. I find that when I'm happy, I play less WOW, my house is clean, and I read lots. However, it all goes to shit if I'm down. I guess I'm to much of a worrier. . .which I need to stop beinging--or at least not do as much. I just can't help it though...nah, that's an excuse. I don't what to have excuses. I'm feeling much better since I've faced what I was worried about. Hopefully it'll continue in this vein.

Ps--I finally got a dose of my own medicine. I went to the used bookstore and requested some authors. One of the ladies who owns the store showed me where to find them--she asked me if I had ever read Christine Feehan and when I said that I haven't even heard of her she looked at me with wide eyes and gasped "you have to read her"--somthing I would do to others in the same situation. :) It totally brightened my day.

Changes

I like habit, security, & most of all control. I like knowing that I have someone/thing to fall back on, and that I have the upper hand. I can't stand change. I really can't believe that about myself. I remember when I was young I would tell myself that I like change. I thought that way was because I would rearrange my room every week, and because I think myself as open-minded. I've come to realize that although I like certain kinds of change, its only the change that doesn't necessarily disrupt my 'norm'. If something came up during my day, more than likely I'd be pissed off. I've gotten better about it. I now usually just roll my eyes rather than turning into a hellbeast--but I'm still not fond of my flow being interupted.


The most disturbing change is one that I know I have no security or lack of control. For instance, I didn't move out of my mom's house till I was 27 because I was so afraid of not being able to make it on my own that I didn't even bother to try. I now am on my own & doing well. . .but it took getting married and sitting down & realizing that I had enough money to do so.

Right now I might be facing another change. . .one I'm really afraid of. My company is opening up a terminal in another state, and need people to transfer. I didn't even consider it until my boss asked me to. I told her that I'd talk to my husband. Well, I did, and unlike me, he loves change. He's so eager to try new things. He's really wanting to move. In a way, I'd like to too. I just hate not knowing if we could handle it. Right now I have a $310 rent note (a great deal from grandma). I won't have that in GA, and though I'll be making $2 more an hour, all of that extra money, plus some, would have to go to rent. Plus D would have to find another job, and transfer schools.

I think the move will do D a lot of good. We'll be moving to a big city, and a state that will offer him more job opportunites, while still having me at a good job. Plus there is a moving package. Its a really good time to move. . . I don't know if I want to take this big a risk. If I had some sort of security it would bother me so much. . . I don't know. I guess I'll just leave it up to the forces that be.

Musings

What do you say when you have nothing to say. There are so many things that I would love to write about, but when it comes down to it. . .I go blank. My life is fantastic, but its rather mundane. I do the same thing over and over again--I wake up, get dressed, cook dinner, hang out with my man, go to work, go to sleep and then do it all over again. Its not that I'm complaining--far from it. I love my life, its just that it doesn't really offer me anything interesting to talk about. I mean the most exciting thing in my life is the great sex I have with my husband, and when I get new books, dvds or cds. Goddess. . . that is soooo pathetic--well, ok, not the sex part--that's fantastic.

I want to write but it seems that I can never really express myself in the written form. I sit for minutes at a time just trying to think of something to write about. . .today, this was it. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I'm writing about how I can't write about anything. Weird, yes I know. Also, very uninteresting. . .but there you go. This is what you get from someone with no imagination. I wonder if they have a pill for this. They might, but it'll probably have horrible side effects--like growing a second head or becoming really hairy or something. . .doesn't hurt to wonder though.

Anyhoo, Take care out there. . .

Friends

You know for years--yes literally years--I didn't have any friends. I had lost them all to a jealous boyfriend. I decided after said boyfriend left me to work on myself. During that time I found that I really don't like many people. . .and that I actually preferred being alone. Then I went back to college and was forced into a friendship. After realizing that there are some people on this earth that I wouldn't mind hanging out with I decided to give other people the benefit of the doubt. I've made several friends at work too. Mind these people aren't as close as my college friends, but I still do consider them friends. Today I was reminded why I hate people and why I shouldn't care about them as much as I do.

Now on the surface, this probably looks like nothing. . .but its the message that was sent that cut me the deepest. Every Thursday night one of our group of four (Girl #1) goes to a local restaurant with another co-worker, and while's she's out she's offered to pick the rest of us something to eat. Today, I asked another member of our quad (Girl #2) if she was going to order, and she said yes. I then told her that when she was going to order to let me know & I would order at the same time. She said 'ok'.

Normally Girl #1 goes to supper around 8pm. Well, its gets to that time and I have yet to be told that Girl #2 were ordering. Its gets to 9pm, the time we go to supper, and still no word. I asked our 4th member (Girl #3) if we're still going at 9 or if we're waiting for Girl #1 to get back from the restaurant. She asked me if I had ordered (she had overheard me asking Girl #2) and I said she never told me that she was ordering. Girl #3 calls Girl #2 and finds out that she had ordered, and that apparently she 'forgot' about me. I'm fuming. . . Here I am with no supper, and totally disrespected.

The hunger was nothing. . .I just grabbed a bag of chips from the vending machine--though this did *not* help the hunger. It's the fact that I meant so little her that she could not even to remember that I would like to order too. I know what you're thinking (ok, maybe not, but I'll have a go at it anyway)--Why didn't I just place my order with Girl #1, why did I need to have Girl #2 tell me she was ordering?? 1) Girl #1 and I are not the closest is our group, and I don't feel comfortable just walking up and saying "here's my order", and 2) I thought it would nice to order together.

Have I blown this out of proportion. . .maybe. I just thought that friends didn't do that kind of stuff to one another. I know I wouldn't have forgotten about her. I guess I'll just stick with my quote from Elizabeth in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice:

There are few people whom I truely love and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more I am dissastisfied with it.