Changes

I like habit, security, & most of all control. I like knowing that I have someone/thing to fall back on, and that I have the upper hand. I can't stand change. I really can't believe that about myself. I remember when I was young I would tell myself that I like change. I thought that way was because I would rearrange my room every week, and because I think myself as open-minded. I've come to realize that although I like certain kinds of change, its only the change that doesn't necessarily disrupt my 'norm'. If something came up during my day, more than likely I'd be pissed off. I've gotten better about it. I now usually just roll my eyes rather than turning into a hellbeast--but I'm still not fond of my flow being interupted.


The most disturbing change is one that I know I have no security or lack of control. For instance, I didn't move out of my mom's house till I was 27 because I was so afraid of not being able to make it on my own that I didn't even bother to try. I now am on my own & doing well. . .but it took getting married and sitting down & realizing that I had enough money to do so.

Right now I might be facing another change. . .one I'm really afraid of. My company is opening up a terminal in another state, and need people to transfer. I didn't even consider it until my boss asked me to. I told her that I'd talk to my husband. Well, I did, and unlike me, he loves change. He's so eager to try new things. He's really wanting to move. In a way, I'd like to too. I just hate not knowing if we could handle it. Right now I have a $310 rent note (a great deal from grandma). I won't have that in GA, and though I'll be making $2 more an hour, all of that extra money, plus some, would have to go to rent. Plus D would have to find another job, and transfer schools.

I think the move will do D a lot of good. We'll be moving to a big city, and a state that will offer him more job opportunites, while still having me at a good job. Plus there is a moving package. Its a really good time to move. . . I don't know if I want to take this big a risk. If I had some sort of security it would bother me so much. . . I don't know. I guess I'll just leave it up to the forces that be.